What Makes A Good Coach?

Coaching the girls at their soccer tournament

The last two years I have been coaching my kids' recreational soccer teams mainly for the reason that I was a soccer player, so I had soccer experience.  I enjoy teaching a game that I spent an incredible amount of time in my youth playing!  The sport of soccer is really misunderstood up here in the far north, and is not one of the favorite sports (hockey is king here).  There are parents that absolutely cannot stand to watch their kids from the sidelines, they dread going to tournaments, and they really hate the sport in general.  My heart actually hurts for those parents...but I do understand (a little).  My husband was once one of those people.  He played what people in the U.S. call "the REAL football"  AKA "American Football" as I was told numerous times when I would disclose to people that I play soccer.  But I have to give my husband credit, he started to learn the game so he could support me while I played in college, watch games on T.V. with me, or even drag him along to games.  But he has finally started to catch on to my LOVE for soccer!  Soccer is so much more than just kicking a ball into a net.  Soccer requires so much mental strategy, physical exertion, and vision that unless you have played on a really good soccer team, then you just don't get it.  I have played on soccer teams where we just "clicked".  I knew my teammates and they knew me.  I knew their strengths and weaknesses, I knew who could really kick a ball, I knew who was a solid defender, I knew their dribbling skills, I knew who was really fast and would outrun their opponents, I knew because I studied all of them in the many hours and hours of practice that we spent together.  There is just something so completely magical of a team that "clicks" together that they almost can read each others mind.  Here is a perfect scenario that my old team was pretty good at:
    ***Our last defender tackles the ball away from our opponents trying to score, she passes it out to our outside mid, they dribble the ball down the line at full-speed into the other teams end to the corner flag, and we as her teammate all knows whats coming!  We know how she crosses, we know what foot she is going to use, and we know where to be to get ready for that ball.  She beats the defender, cuts into the corner, and crosses a perfect ball to the far-post where 3 of her teammates are sprinting to all full-speed, crashing the net, just to get a touch on the ball!  The ball sails over the goalie's outstretched hands to our waiting outside midfielder who jumps to head the ball in the net!    GGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
(Still gives me chills!)

One thing that I never understood was how hard it is to actually be the coach, and not the player anymore.  In recreational soccer the coaches stand there with their cups of coffee in their hands and we basically are just having more fun then competition.  Well in competitive soccer we are at a whole different level, we are out to win!  The amount of hours a coach puts into their teams is almost staggering.  The planning of practice, the practice time itself, the games/tournaments, the travel time, the communication with managers, etc.  But to me the most surprising part is the mental, physical, and emotional investment that the coaches make.  I as a former soccer player, try to pour myself into those girls.  Every game I feel like I am out there on the field with them!  Why?  Because I have missed that penalty kick before, I have put everything on the line in a championship game and walked off the field on legs that feel like Jello, I have gone into a sudden death shootout, I have cried with my teammates after a devastating loss, I have celebrated a State Title Win!  So I get it, I get their pain, their frustrations, their commitment, their effort, and most importantly their celebrations.

  I recently got the privilege of coaching my daughter's competitive summer team at a tournament that had some really tough teams there.  On the Saturday games, we had a really hard first game.  Both teams were very evenly split, but we just couldn't get the ball in the back of the net.  We ended up losing that game and after we shook hands with the other team, we huddled up and I found myself in a situation that I have never been in before...looking at me were 10 little pairs of eyes, most were crying (a few really crying), all waiting for words of wisdom from their coach.  At that moment, I got it...I got what it meant to be a "Coach"... it sunk in, and I sat there in silence for a few brief moments looking back at all of them.  With a few tears in my eyes (I'm glad I was wearing sunglasses), I struggled to tell them how proud I was of each and every one of them.  We talked about the frustrations, we talked about the lows of the game, we talked about the goals we could have had, we talked about how upset we were.  But then I knew we needed to switch gears because in a few hours we had another hard game that we needed to be ready for.  See sports is only 20% physical, and 80% mental so I made each one of them tell everyone one thing we did really good in the game.  We went around the circle, one-by-one and listened intently to each girl's positive opinion of the game.  By the last girl the tears were starting to dry and confidence was starting to return, I even saw a few smiles.  We huddled up, did our cheer, and off they walked to their parents. I hoped as a coach and mom as I was watching them leave, that they understood how well they played and to hold their heads up with pride.

The next game we spent a lot of time in the warm-up getting psyched and ready, but they still looked flat so  I introduced a new pre-game cheer.  See the Women's World Cup is going on in Canada and I knew that a few of them and even my family made the trek up to Canada (twice) to watch the USA Women play (GO USA!).  So I stole the USA cheer and wow did those girls get excited: "I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!"

It was a hard-fought game, with a 0-0 score at halftime.  With 3 minutes left in the game, we got a penalty kick!  Our captain in the earlier game had a penalty kick and the opponents goalie saved it, so this was her redemption time.  I told her to "Breathe...breathe...you got this"  She stepped up and beautifully passed it to the corner, beating the goalie!  GOAL!!!  We stacked the defense and held them and won 1-0!  What a rollercoaster day; from the extreme low of losing the previous hard-fought game, to winning what felt-like a championship game.  The girls walked away that day with so much more knowledge, maturity, and skill in the game of soccer, and I was the lucky one to be there and share it with them.

My daughter who reminds me so much of me, it's scary.  But isn't that we do as Coaches, teach them to DREAM?

So parents if you don't understand the sport of soccer you don't need to, they just need your support and encouragement.  Coaches, I thank you for all your dedication to the sport, the players, and especially the game.  And lastly to the players, thank you for giving us former players the opportunity to still be part of a game that we absolutely love.  There is a saying that "Those that can't do, teach".  Well I am here to tell you that I think that saying is completely wrong.  For a coach, or a teacher, or a person in any leadership position to be good, and I mean really good, you have to had walked that path yourself in some form and level.  There has to be a level of understanding and experience that no book, training module, or coaching course can ever teach.  There are many people that have been great players that make lowsy coaches, and there are those who weren't the best players are great coaches.  There is an art and skill involved in switching gears from the player to the coach, and I am just starting to learn that, and hopefully someday I will be a good coach.  To be able to reach those kids at a level that they understand, they listen to, and even respect is also a magical thing.  Its not about just playing anymore.  So coaches go out there, and sow into those kids...for they are depending on you, and they NEED you to be great...so go be great, because they are always watching.

My youngest son copying me and "coaching" the team